Humor
Remote control TVs
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
'I found the remote,' he mumbled.
(Clean) Joke of the Day
2nd Opinion
The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 36.'
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The sales man shook his head , 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second opinion - PRICELESS
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 36.'
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The sales man shook his head , 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second opinion - PRICELESS
Men are better than women?
With bitter satire...
